My Letter to Ask Amy
Do any of you read the Ask Amy column? She's headquartered at the Chicago Tribune, but I generally read her in the online Washington Post. I usually think her advice is pretty good, but today I had to take exception:
DEAR AMY: My best friend recently became a vegan.
She no longer eats meat or any animal product, including cheese, milk, butter and eggs.
I have no problems with her being a vegan, even though I do not personally follow this diet and continue to eat meat and other animal products.
The only time I have issues is when she asks me to go out to eat with her. She insists on eating at completely vegan restaurants, and I politely refuse each time. I always suggest a place where we can both find something to eat.
She is extremely critical of the places I suggest, and we usually wind up not going anywhere because she insists on all-vegan restaurants.
Am I being unreasonable asking for a compromise?
She has made this life choice, but should I, as her best friend, have to also follow it whenever I'm with her? -- Frustrated Carnivore
DEAR CARNIVORE: You claim you have asked for a compromise, but according to you, your friend always suggests vegan restaurants and you always "politely refuse" and suggest a non-vegan restaurant. Then she refuses.
This isn't compromising. This is insisting on your way and then, when you don't get your way, taking the highway.
A compromise, however, is definitely called for.
You should agree to eat at a vegan restaurant. Then the next time you eat out, she should agree to eat at a non-vegan restaurant that can prepare a decent vegan meal.
Even the most devoted carnivores probably shouldn't eat meat each and every day. Surely you can enjoy some soy and lentils from time to time.
If your friend digs in her heels and won't ever eat at a non-vegan restaurant, you two simply won't be able to eat out together.
Then it's time to join a bowling league.
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Here's what I wrote to Amy:
Amy, I have to take exception to your response to Frustrated Carnivore, stating that eating soy and lentils from time to time won't hurt her, and she should eat at vegan restaurants half the time. Having eaten a low carb diet, based on animal protein and fat, for 14 years, with nothing but excellent health to show as a result, I would indeed consider it harmful for me to eat a meal of lentils; they're loaded with starch. As for soy, I am unconvinced that it is even safe for human consumption, much less especially healthful. It has been known for decades that soy is hard on the thyroid and interferes with mineral absorption, there are studies indicating that it speeds the proliferation of some kinds of breast cancer, there is even some question whether it causes dementia.
The left-of-center college town I live in has a high vegetarian population, and at gatherings it is expected that one will provide vegetarian options, which I always do. I weary, however, of the belief that vegetarian or vegan food is just great for everyone; it is not great for me. I whole grained-and-beaned my way up to 200 pounds at 5'2", with high blood pressure and nasty energy and mood swings, all of which went away with a low carb diet. I occasionally resent the assumption that vegetarians food choices are valid, but mine are not, especially when I find myself at a function at which there is nothing for me to eat except an olive or two.
Frustrated Carnivore was not asking her friend to eat animal foods, only to eat vegan foods in a place where not everyone was adhering to her own dietary principles. The rigid one here is the vegan who clearly cannot bear to let her friend make her own food choices.
Personally, I think these two should go out to the movies, or maybe for a drink. I surely wouldn't eat food I knew would make me feel lousy to satisfy a "friend's" expectations.
